Isn't The Term "Boob Tube" A Bit Harsh??

My four year old daughter thinks that she can speak Spanish. Now, she does know some actual Spanish words, thanks to Dora and Diego, but she thinks she is actually fluent in Spanish. She will rattle off some kind of nonsensical gibberish and claim that it's Spanish. I LOVE this.

Most mothers I know are usually feeling a bit guilty for letting their kids watch TV.  Society has ingrained in our psyche that if you put your tot in front of the television, you're neglecting them, which equals being a bad mom.

I'm here to try and dispel that myth.

My precious learned the word "privacy" from a TV show and used it correctly telling me that she needed some when she headed into the bathroom. 

Another thing...she knows the difference between a Aptosaurus and a Stegosaurus, and I don't, so I certainly didn't teach it to her...thanks Dino Dan.

She used the word allegro to tell me to hurry up after watching Little Einsteins.

Now, I'm certainly not saying to plop your kid in front of the TV for hours upon end, but what I am saying is that moms, let's not beat ourselves up over an hour of Strawberry Shortcake (the new version, sadly not the original) so that we can get dinner on the table.

It's Alive!!

One of the scariest sounds I've ever heard came from my bathroom closet last night around 3:45am.
 
While taking a quick trip to the bathroom, I heard a sound that brought goose flesh to my arms and made my hair stand on end.

It began as an other-worldly static sound, like you hear in horror films, then I heard a child's voice..."Can I have more juice, mommy?", followed by "Mommy, I love bananas".

 This was not the voice of my child.

I slowly opened the closet door and there was Baby Alive, naked and wet, face down in the bottom of the closet.  Apparently she had taken a bath, which had somehow caused a short and allowed her to call out to me in the middle of the night.

There is no off switch to Baby Alive. 

I found myself rummaging through the junk drawer until I found a screwdriver, then removing the batteries there in the dark kitchen...creepy.

Easter Wonderful

This was the first Easter where my daughters actually realized what was going on.  I took extra steps to make it great.  I'd been talking up the Easter bunny for days and really drove home the idea that he's very "tricky" and likes to hide things from kids.  Later a relative chastised me, telling me I have the Easter bunny confused with Leprechauns, but I went with it.

I had the empty egg cartons strewn about (inside and out), half eaten raw carrots thrown around the kitchen, and eggs hidden inside and out.  I felt that the entire scene looked a little contrived, but when the girls woke up, their eyes sparkled with wonder. 

It was just priceless seeing their faces when they saw the carrots, "Mommy, the Easter Bunny stole some of our carrots!", and found the eggs, "Mommy, that silly bunny put an egg in my shoe!". 

What an amazing feeling!  The whole day was just wonderful.

Love love love seeing my girls enjoy things...it's like I get to relive my childhood all over.

  

Playing Possum

As I sit here tonight drinking wine, eating chocolate that I've raided from my daughters' yet to be made Easter baskets, I wonder...when did I lose the upper hand?
I just acted like a complete idiot trying to get my child to fall asleep.  First I ignored her, until she upped the ante to licking my cheek.  Next I was stern with her and told her it was time for bed.  She cried even louder, then rolled around the bed laughing like a lunatic.  Finally, and this is where I question my sanity...I PRETENDED to be ASLEEP.  What is wrong with me?  What kind of grown woman pretends to be asleep to hide from her 2 year old daughter???

Do other parents actually do this, too?  No matter what she did, I played possum.  She pulled my hair, I was asleep.  She pretended to be a cat, I was asleep.  She picked my nose, I was asleep.  The crazy thing was...it worked.  

By the way, chocolate covered Peeps are the bomb.

Mommy, It's Sooo Pretty

I absolutely refuse to have one more battle over what my daughter will wear. 

We've gone through many phases over the past four years.  It started with her refusal to wear anything that wasn't pink.  This was not too terribly difficult, due to the fact that I found out while I was carrying her that she would be a girl.  My family rushed out to buy anything they could find with ruffles, ribbons, and bows, most of which were pink.

Then, we moved on to only wearing dresses.  It couldn't be just any dress either, it had to be the three year old definition of "beautiful", which varied from day to day.  Often our daily outfits included some type of fake hair.  For a while, we wore a ratty Ariel wig everywhere we went.  Of course, the old lady at the grocery store would comment on how beautiful she looked in her Halloween costume, to which my daughter would indignantly reply, "This is NOT a costume!"

Now, we have an issue with wearing anything that we haven't specifically chosen ourselves.  Mommy doesn't always keep up with the laundry, so many days we wear a pajama top with a ball gown skirt, winter tights under last year's favorite summer dress (that she has found in the mess of clothing on her closet floor), and my favorite...bathing suit as underwear.

Let it be, I say.
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The Perfect Foundation

I'm in search of the perfect foundation. I've tried everything from the most expensive, to the cheap drugstore brands and I'm still not satisfied.
 
I believe I've come to a crossroads...is it the makeup, or my aging skin.

I think I've almost got it right. So far, my favorite is the HD makeup from Make Up Forever, but something is still not right. I LOVE the way it looks when I apply it, but find that later in the day, I'm looking a little blotchy and tired. Again, I ask myself is it the makeup or me? As I approach 40, (I still get to use the word "approach" since I'm still a few months away) it seems that it's harder and harder to find something that makes me look relatively flawless, but not masky.

No matter what the answer, things can only be improved by finding the perfect makeup, so the search continues.

  Let me say that I used to balk at the idea of getting Botox, or some equivalent, but now I'm actually considering it. Does that make me a bad person? Should I be honest about it, or pretend that I have good genes?

Many things to consider...

Becoming Mom

Okay, so it's happening.  Some of the things that I say sound suspiciously like what I heard as a child.  In some cases, it's out of my mouth before I'm even aware of it.

My mom had a certain way of phrasing her expectations so that they sounded like she would never imagine that you would do...whatever you happen to be doing.

 I'll call this practice, issuing the passive-aggressive threat. 

An example, "I hope you two aren't jumping on the bed up there, after I told you how dangerous it is!" or "I'd hate to see you miss dessert when the rest of us will be having delicious cake".  Let me tell you, after the confusion passed, the passive-aggressive threats worked.

My favorite was probably the sneak attack, which was quite effective in middle and high school.  After avoiding whatever chore we were requested to do, mom would hit us with the, "You don't want to unload the dishwasher...that's fine, I'll remember that the next time you ask me for something".  Chores done.

My oldest daughter recognizes this tactic, because I heard her say to her sister, "I guess you don't want to share my toy". 

Even the youngest one understands the power of the passive-aggressive threat.  When I asked her what she was doing behind the chair, she replied, "Not pooping", when clearly that was exactly what she was doing.

This can happen...

As I've mentioned, I love playing with makeup.  Sometimes I can get carried away, and may spend too much time trying on, playing with, and arranging my makeup.  


Unfortunately, many times I have caught my daughters trying on, playing with, and arranging my makeup also...of course they hide to do it.

Recently I caught one of them hiding in the corner with my concealer palette.  She had completely concealed her lips away.  

Make Up and other Stuff

Those of you know know me are aware that I'm beauty product obsessed.  I try, buy, and research LOTS of stuff.  I especially love makeup.  I thought I'd share a few of my "must have" beauty items for the "struggling to stay cool" mommy. 

• A good concealer is a must.  I love this one because it's easy to use and easy on the lines. Clinique's Line Smoothing Concealer

• MAC Skinfinish Mineralize pressed powder.  LOVE this.  It's natural looking, but does something magical to the face.

• Benefit "Dallas" bronzer  This is great as a bronzer or good to slap on as a blush when you're running late.  I like it because it's not shimmery.

• Benefit Bad Gal Lash Mascara, for when I'm feeling a little flirty, or just can't find time to put anything else on my eyes ;)

• Urban Decay 24/7 eye and lip pencils These pencils are soft and the eye pencils stay on forever.  The fat eye liners are a great substitute for shadow.

• Moroccan Oil smells delightful and smooths flyaways, while adding shine.  Gives you beachy hair.

• My Secret Hair Enhancer is for when I need to have my hair colored, but haven't done it yet.  Spray it on and you can go at least an extra two weeks!

Ignorance

Things I said that I’d NEVER do when I had kids, that I now do:

1. Have a living room full of toys, including a tent
2. Let both kids sleep in bed with me (while I wear earplugs)
3. Let them wear their pjs all day, and sometimes wear them out to the grocery store
4. Allow them to use my $25 Chanel lipgloss
5. Live on a diet of chicken nuggets and hot dogs (them not me)
6. Let them make a mess of the toy section when shopping, including of course the things that I sneak OUT of the cart and put where they don't belong before checking out
7. Watch children's programming 90% of the time and know all the words to most theme songs (I've googled every one of the Freshbeats)
8. Tell them they can have a prize if they (insert bribe)

Played

Last night, my husband and I went on a date.  A late dinner date.  Our reliable and fabulous babysitter arrived and the girls were thrilled to see her.  We haven't seen her in a while and it was the first time she's babysat since both girls have graduated to big girl beds. 

As we snuck out of the house, I felt a little shameful, knowing that there was no possible way that the girls would go to sleep with the sitter. 

Most nights, it takes a team of adults, many stuffed animals, warm chocolate milk and blankies to get to sleep.  Also, either myself or dad must actually lay with them, then creep out once we're sure that our little angels have finally fallen to sleep.  I'll admit that I've been caught by my three year old, crab-crawling like a lunatic across her bedroom floor before she was officially asleep, which by the way is much scarier than anything in her imagination.

Imagine my shock (and horror) when the sitter texted me just to let me know that both girls were asleep in their own beds!  I showed dad the text and we stared at it dumbfounded.  How? How? How?

Not wanting to directly interrogate the sitter, I did what any reasonable mother would do...I questioned Lucy about how the sitter put them to sleep the next day.  Her reply, "She sat on the stool and read us a story, just like you do, mommy". 

Ummm, okay..
That's so not what I do.

And now for something completely different...

The other day, a friend and I were talking about how society has changed since we were young.  (cue the granny voice) Nowadays it seems that there is so much pressure on kids to be cool.  Sure, I know I'm barely hanging on, but I worry about what things will be like when my daughters are teenagers.

I understand that I am less than an authority on teenagers, as my daughters are still early in the single digits, but I am entitled to my opinion, however unpopular it may be.  I know I've got lots of time left to enjoy the little kid stage, as my girls are only 2 and 3, and I often have to remind myself to live in the moment, but time passes quickly and I like to be prepared.

First of all, I am completely against dressing your child like an adult.  I heard about a bikini top for girls that makes it look like they have little boobies in their bathing suit.  BOOBS!  Seriously?? There is nothing worse than seeing a little kid with a t-shirt that says "sexy" or something equally disgusting and adult.  My daughter will NOT dress like a teenage slut (no matter how much she begs for it).

And another thing...kids should be treated like kids.  Note to my daughters: I am the grown-up (well, most of the time).  I am NOT your friend, although I love you madly, and it is my job to make the rules, regardless of what you may think of them. I am fully prepared to be hated, at least for the duration of the teen years.

I am a realist and know that everyone wants to be liked.  We all want to be cool and fit in.  I just want to shield my daughters from the pressures of being an adult for as long as I possibly can.  I often pray that my daughters are dorky late-developers.

Any advice would be welcome....